How to Repair a Damaged Professional Relationship

If you’ve spent enough time in the workforce, you almost certainly have a trail of damaged professional relationships behind you. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad manager or employee; it’s simply a fact that some people don’t get along, and when we have to rely on each other (to finish the report, to execute the campaign, to close the deal), there are bound to be crossed wires and disappointments.

When conflict happens, many of us try to disengage — to avoid the person around the office, or limit our exposure to them. That’s a fine strategy if your colleague is peripheral to your daily life; you may never have to work with the San Diego office again. But if it’s your boss or a teammate, ignoring them is a losing strategy. Here’s how to buck up and repair a professional relationship that’s gone off the rails.

First, it’s important to recognize that making the effort is worthwhile. Obviously it’ll ratchet tension down at the office if you’re not glaring at your colleague every time they enter the room. But resolving this tension will actually aid your own productivity. A core tenet of efficiency expert David Allen’s Getting Things Done approach is “closing open loops” – i.e., eliminating unresolved matters that nag at your mind. Just as you can’t rest easy until you respond to that scheduling request, you’ll have a much harder time focusing professionally if you’re constantly in the midst of fraught encounters.

Next, recognize your own culpability. It’s easy to demonize your colleague (He turned in the report late! She’s always leaving work early!). But you’re almost certainly contributing to the dynamic in some way, as well. As Diana McLain Smith – author of The Elephant in the Room: How Relationships Make or Break the Success of Leaders and Organizations – told me in an interview, “You may be focusing on another person’s downside – and then starting to behave in ways that exacerbate it.” If you think your colleague is too quiet, you may be filling up the airtime in meetings, which encourages them to become even quieter. If you think he’s too lax with details, you may start micromanaging him so much, he adopts a kind of “learned helplessness” and stops trying at all. To get anywhere, you have to understand your role in the situation.

Now it’s time to press reset. If you unilaterally “decide” you’re going to improve your relationship with your colleague, you’re likely to be disappointed quickly. The moment they fail to respond to a positive overture or (yet again) display an irritating behavior, you may conclude that your effort was wasted. Instead, try to make them a partner in your effort. You may want to find an “excuse” for the conversation such as the start of a new project or a New Year’s Resolution, which gives you the opportunity to broach the subject. “Jerry,” you could say, “On past projects, sometimes our perspectives and work styles have been a little different. I want to make this collaboration as productive as possible, so I’d love to brainstorm with you a little about how we can work together really well. 

Would that be OK with you?”

Finally, you need to change the dynamic. Even the best of intentions – including an agreement with your colleague to turn over a new leaf – can quickly disintegrate if you fall back into your old patterns. That’s why McLain Smith stresses the importance of disrupting your relationship dynamic. In the aftermath of a conflict, she suggests actually writing down a transcript of what was said by each party, so you can begin to see patterns – where you were pushing and she was pulling. Over time, it’s likely that you’ll be able to better grasp the big picture of how you’re relating to each other, and areas where you can try something different. (If you were less vehement, perhaps she’d be less resistant.)

We often imagine that our relationships are permanent and fixed – I don’t get along with him because he’s a control freak, and that’s not likely to change. But we underestimate ourselves, and each other. It’s true that you can’t give your colleagues a personality transplant and turn them into entirely different people; we all have natural tendencies that emerge. But clearly understanding the dynamics of the relationship – and making changes to what’s not working – can lead to markedly more positive results.

How to Repair a Damaged Professional Relationship
Dorie Clark

What Big Data Needs to Do to Grow Up

We are in an Information Revolution — and have been for a while now. But it is entering a new stage. The arrival of the Internet of Things or the Industrial Internet is generating previously unimaginable quantities of data to measure, analyze and act on. These new data sources promise to transform our lives as much in the 21st century as the early stages of the Information Revolution reshaped the latter part of the 20th century. But for that to happen, we need to get much better at handling all that data we’re producing and collecting.

Consider the more than $44 billion projected by Gartner to be spent on big data in 2014. The vast majority of it — $37.4 billion — is going to IT services. Enterprise software only accounts for about a tenth.

The disproportionate spending on services is a sign of immaturity in how we manage data. In his seminal essay, “Why Software is Eating the World,” Marc Andreessen pointed out that for each new technology wave, the money eventually shifts to software. Software spending represents an industrialization and packaging of work that would otherwise happen manually, as one-off services, within each organization. As markets mature, more of the processes move to partners and other providers, so the industry leaders can spend their time and energy on high-value processes that contribute to their competitive differentiation. Software is part of a broader ecosystem that lets businesses focus on activities that are core rather than context. Core, in Geoffrey Moore’s definition, is what a business’s customers cannot get from anyone else; context is all the other stuff a business needs to get done to fulfill its commitments.

To understand what that path to maturity might look like for big data, it’s helpful to look at another, similar transformation. Data is the raw material that we attempt to turn into useful information. We can learn something from the manufacturers who turned raw materials into achievements as complex as automobiles.

The earliest automobile manufacturers were “vertically integrated,” which is to say they pretty much did everything themselves. Contrast that with today’s automobile manufacturers, which source parts from a global marketplace of independent suppliers. A manufacturer like Ford might have more than a thousand Tier 1 suppliers.

By calling on a rich ecosystem of industrialized products and services, automobile manufacturers can focus on the high-value, core activities that differentiate their products while driving down the total costs of production. This shift has led to a dramatic increase in automobile capabilities, without a corresponding increase in costs.

Over the years, the automobile industry has embraced numerous innovations to achieve this transformation. These include:

• Standardization: From parts to specifications and protocols, standardization is the essential first step in building a mature ecosystem.
• Quality testing and controls: Standardization also includes the concept of quality controls, testing protocols, and acceptance testing to enforce adherence to standards.
• Design for manufacturing/design for assembly: Integrating manufacturing and/or assembly processes into product design has reduced manufacturing and assembly costs at the source.

The shift from vertically integrated manufacturing (doing everything in-house) to integrated and collaborative design, manufacture, and assembly has enabled us to build larger, more advanced and complex goods than ever before. It has reshaped our communities and lives.

Can we make a similar shift with data?

When businesses try to manufacture real insight and value from raw data, most are like the early manufacturers, doing nearly everything in-house. Despite recent technological advances, the task of turning data into information is characterized by vast inefficiencies.

That’s why we see such a huge spending on services — we haven’t figured out how to automate and industrialize different parts of the data processes. We treat nearly every data-related task as a high-value, core process, for which we must spend on specialized services. It’s all core, no context.

Until we find ways to start treating some of the data tasks as contextual — to industrialize those processes — then we will be limited in what we can accomplish with data.

To industrialize these processes, we will need advances comparable to those that have occurred in manufacturing, including:

• Data standardization, particularly industry-specific standards and taxonomies.
• Data quality processes, such as advances in data integration/cleansing and quality control.
• Third-party data services (i.e., data clouds or “industrialized data services” in Accenture terminology) that enable data sharing and exchange at scale, between applications and organizations.
• Vertical data applications that understand all aspects of data relating to a specific task (e.g. IT Security).
• Data assembly, meaning dynamic assembly of raw data, processed data, and contextualized data.
• Industry cooperation in sharing the data that is “context” and common to all players.

With the ability to standardize data (akin to parts standardization in manufacturing) and use those standards in multiple applications, companies can begin to partner, outsource and collaborate on much of the work of involving in turning data into insight. The more that companies can share and repeat the context processes around different types of data, the more resources they have to invest in the higher-value, core data processes.

What Big Data Needs to Do to Grow Up
Mahesh S. Kumar

How to Negotiate with Someone More Powerful than You

Going into a negotiation with someone who holds more power than you do can be a daunting prospect.  Whether you are asking your boss for a new assignment or attempting to land a major business deal with a client, your approach to the negotiation can dramatically affect your chances of success. How can you make the best case for what you want?

What the Experts Say“There is often strength in weakness,” says Margaret Neale, the Adams Distinguished Professor of Management at Stanford Graduate School of Business. Having power typically reduces a person’s ability to understand how others think, see, and feel, so being in the less powerful position actually gives you a better vantage to accurately assess what the other party wants and how you can best deliver it. And when you do your homework, you’ll often find you’ve “underestimated your own power, and overestimated theirs,” says Jeff Weiss, a partner at Vantage Partners, a Boston-based consultancy specializing in corporate negotiations and relationship management, and author of the forthcoming HBR Guide to Negotiating. Here’s how to negotiate for success.

Buck yourself up“Often we get fearful of the threat of competition,”says Weiss. We worry there are five other candidates being interviewed for a job, or six other vendors who can land a contract, and we lower our demands as a result. Do some hard investigation of whether those concerns are real, and consider what skills and expertise you bring to the table that other candidates do not. The other side is negotiating with you for a reason, says Neale. “Your power and influence come from the unique properties you bring to the equation.”

Understand your goals and theirsMake a list of what you want from the negotiation, and why. This exercise will help you determine what would cause you to walk away, so that you build your strategy within acceptable terms. Equally if not more crucial is to “understand what’s important to the other side,” says Neale. By studying your counterpart’s motivations, obstacles, and goals, you can frame your aims not as things they are giving up to you, but “as solutions to a problem that they have.”

Prepare, prepare, prepare“The most important thing is to be well prepared,” says Weiss. That involves brainstorming in advance creative solutions that will work for both parties. For example, if the other side won’t budge from their price point, one of your proposals could be a longer-term contract that gives them the price they want but guarantees you revenue for a longer period of time. You also want to have data or past precedents at your disposal to help you make your case. If a potential client says they will pay you X for a job, having done your research allows you to counter with, “But the last three people you contracted with similar experience were paid Y.” Preparation gives you the information you need to “to get more of what you want,” says Neale.

Listen and ask questionsTwo of the most powerful strategies you can deploy are to listen well, which builds trust, and pose questions that encourage the other party to defend their positions. “If they can’t defend it, you’ve shifted the power a bit,” says Weiss. If your boss says he doesn’t think you are the right addition to a new project, for instance, ask, “What would that person look like?” Armed with that added information, says Neale, “you can then show him that you have those attributes or have the potential to be that person.”

Keep your coolOne of the biggest mistakes a less powerful person can do in a negotiation is get reactive or take the other person’s negative tone personally. “Don’t mimic bad behavior,” says Weiss. If the other side makes a threat, and you retaliate with a threat, “you’re done.” Keep your side of the discussion focused on results, and resist the temptation to confuse yourself with the issue at hand, even if the negotiations involve assigning value to you or your product. “Know what your goals are and direct your strategy to that and not the other person’s behavior. You have to play the negotiation your way,” Weiss says.

Stay flexibleThe best negotiators have prepared enough that they understand the “whole terrain rather than a single path through the woods,” says Weiss. That means you won’t be limited to a single strategy of gives and gets, but multiple maneuvers as the negotiation progresses. If the other party makes a demand, ask them to explain their rationale. Suggest taking a few minutes to brainstorm additional solutions, or inquire if they’ve ever been granted the terms they are demanding. Maintaining flexibility in your moves means you can better shape a solution that’s not only good for you, says Neale, but also makes them “feel like they’ve won.”

Principles to Remember

Do:

• Put yourself in their shoes — it’s crucial to understand what’s important to the other side
• Remember your own value — you are at the table for a reason
• Ask questions — you’ll get valuable insight into their motivations and interests

Don’t:

• Wing it — nothing beats good preparation
• Depend on a single strategy — develop a range of responses to push the negotiation in your favor
• Copy aggressive behavior — if they make threats or demands, stick to your goals

Case Study #1: Do your homeworkBen Koeneker knew the odds were stacked against him. Then the head of business development for a midsize Midwest telecom company, he was trying to convince Siemens, the multibillion-dollar electronics conglomerate, to give his firm an exclusive distribution contract for a new business communications product.  At the time, his $28 million company was known more for refurbishing than distribution. “We were tiny,” he says. “We were the ant shouting at the elephant.”

Koeneker did copious amounts of research prior to sitting down at the table. He researched Siemens products and why their current channels of distribution weren’t working well. He also made sure he knew that his own company could deliver on every level, preparing counterarguments for any doubts that might arise. “I knew we couldn’t pretend we could do something we couldn’t do,” he says.

When the negotiations began, he emphasized the pros of his company’s distribution model, rather than the cons he felt currently existed in Siemens’ current method. “If you spend too much time talking about the negatives, you’re basically telling them that they’re doing their business wrong.” He also pointed out that signing with his firm would free up money to devote to marketing, which he knew from his research was something that Siemens wanted.

A turning point came when a senior Siemens executive said that while he was impressed with the proposal, he wondered if Koeneker’s company could scale effectively if the product line took off. Two rivals to Koeneker’s firm, the executive said, were bigger and could more easily handle growth. “I turned to him and said, ‘Are those two companies interested in distributing your product at this time?’” Koeneker says. “I already knew the answer from my research that those companies had turned them down.” He followed up by adding that while his firm was small, it was better thought of as “boutique,” with the unique ability to focus completely on the Siemens brand.

Shortly after, they inked the contract.

Case Study #2: Know your valueManagement coach Ginger Jenks didn’t want to lose her client. Michael* had asked her to work on a side consulting project, but balked at her proposed fee. Though he had been paying her usual rate for several years, he went into “hard negotiation mode” for the extra work, Jenks says. “He told me he could get someone else for less than a third of my price.”

Jenks valued Michael’s continued business, but she knew she wasn’t willing to lower her rate. “I was fairly confident that he wanted me to do the work,” she says, “and I was certain that I did not want to feel ‘nickel and dimed’ on the project.” She decided her strongest strategy was not to take it personally that he was acting so insulted by her price. “I knew it was just a negotiating tactic on his end.”

When they met again to discuss terms, Jenks held fast to her initial proposal. She knew from hearing him relate stories of past negotiations that he respected strength and tenacity. She also knew that he valued good work above all else, and likely didn’t want the hassle of finding someone new.

At the table, Jenks stressed their great track record together, suggesting that if he could find someone who could do as good a job as he knew she would do, he should go elsewhere. Throughout, Jenks reminded herself that negotiating “is a little like dating,” she says. “If you are too interested, you lose power. But if you can remain calmly interested but still detached, that creates power.”

Michael thought it over for a few days, and then accepted Jenks’s original proposal. “It’s critical to remember that you have something the other person wants also,” she says. “Even if you aren’t in the power position, you have something to offer.”

*not his real name

How to Negotiate with Someone More Powerful than You
Carolyn O'Hara